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Balanced Parenting Newsletter

Spanking: The Heated Debate                                      April, 2011                                         

In This Issue
Introducing "Ask Bette"
To Spank or Not to Spank
Coffee with Bette
Support for Parents
"Ask Bette"


Just email your parenting questions to me and I will be answering a different question each week on my website through the Balanced Parenting You-Tube Channel


How exciting, huh?


Send your parenting questions to:



Thank you for your help with this new adventure!


"All the water in the world cannot drown you unless it gets inside of you."

 Eleanor Roosevelt
If you have any thoughts, suggestions, class ideas, article requests, constructive criticism or otherwise great ideas, feel free to let us know! 

If you enjoy reading this newsletter, please feel free to forward it to your friends.
Hello Friends!
Spring is in the air (ACHOOO!!!)  
Hoping that everyone is feeling renewed hope and joy in their lives now that spring is here!  Have you seen the beautiful blooms around?  My yard is coming to life! It gives me renewed motivation and excitement about everything!
What new beginnings are you excited about?
Wishing you balance,





Les Brown's radio show had many people call in this week about the merits of spanking and, of course, those on the other side of the debate as well.  Good Morning America reported this morning that 20 states in the U.S. still allow corporal punishment in schools.  Parents sign a consent at the beginning of the school year and then have no recourse when their kids come home from school with bruises and severe markings on their rear-ends from being punished by their teachers, coaches, etc...






Whew!  I needed to get that out!  My goal every day when I wake up is to teach parents skills in raising their kids that those kids will then learn from and become amazing adults as a result. 


When is spanking ever applicable in adult life? When our bosses annoy us do we get to spank them? When our roommates in college don't do their dishes do we get to spank them? When our neighbors let their dogs poop on our lawns do we get to spank them? NO!!! So, what could our kids possibly be learning when their teachers or parents spank them?  They may be learning that when we get mad we should hit!  Or that using a paddle is a good way to make lasting marks on a kid's bottom. Our kids may also learn to become incredibly angry and resentful at authority figures because of the violent reactions to their misbehavior.  From my perspective, these are not useful lessons, obviously.



What can parents and teachers do instead that will make a more positive impact?


When kids are acting out, they should experience the natural and logical consequences of their choices.  For example, if my child is acting disrespectfully, we will leave the birthday party or she will be removed from the room until such time as she makes a different choice.  I know that this sounds simplistic, but there are always 1,000 available tools OTHER THAN SPANKING that can teach our kids to behave better.


On Les Brown's radio show, some of the callers were saying that without spanking kids, they are likely to be undisciplined, entitled and poorly behaved.  I beg to differ!  When parents set appropriate limits and are consistent with those limits, kids grow up to be respectful, compassionate and well-behaved! 


Here are a few of my favorite tools that can be used instead of spanking:


  • Removal from the situation
  • Loss of privileges when they show they cannot handle the responsibility that goes along with those privileges
  • Lead them by the shoulders without a word to remind them of the toys they didn't pick up
  • "Uh oh!" - when we need to remind them to use nicer words
  • "Respectful ignoring" so we don't encourage bad behavior
  • "Let me know when you're ready" - when they're not listening
  • Use humor to diffuse a tense situation rather than escalating it
  • Give them the words to say when they don't know how to say something respectfully
  • ...and so many more!

 Make a point to arm yourselves with as many parenting tools as possible so as to put spanking 1,000th on your list or remove it from your list altogether!!!  Remember, your kids are watching and taking notes at all times!!!










coffee cup 

Coffee with Bette 

We will meet this coming Tuesday,  April 5th from 9:30 - 11:00, open house style at Chocolatine, 2955 E. Thousand Oaks Blvd., T.O.


Bring your parenting questions and join the fun!



Remember, the parenting advice is free, but the food and beverages are not!


Parents of 0 - 10 Year Olds!

Our parent support group is on hiatus for the month of April.
Due to spring breaks, Passover and my daughter's 16th birthday.

Put May 11th on your calendars
for our next meeting!

 268 E. Lombard Street
Thousand Oaks
Please RSVP so I know how many to expect!
Bring a friend!

$35 per person
$50 per couple

May's topic:
Catch them doing
the right things!
RSVP 805-230-2464 or


The Balanced Parenting Learning Library Introduces:

Raising Our Kids to Become Fabulous Adults by Looking Forward and Working Backwards
 by Bette Levy Alkazian
edited by Karyn Blackmore-Hagy
Now available!



POTTY LEARNING: The Do's, Don'ts and the Oops of Poops

 (available in hard copy or electronically)Bette Alkazian, LMFT
Whether you've already accomplished potty training with your kids or not, you know what a frustrating time it can be.   

If you're somewhere in the process, not yet ready to begin or long past it, but know someone else, this book is a great resource!

How to order these books:
Go to my website and click on the Learning Library.